I write about my adventures in the Ted & His Time-Travelling Toilet books. Now I'm writing about writing about my adventures in the Ted & His Time-Travelling Toilet books. Cool huh? You can get in touch by email (below), Instagram (below), making a big noise (bellow), falling asleep (pillow), or greeting me (hello).
When Ted accidentally discovers (don't ask!) that his toilet allows him to travel back in time to any point in history, his (slightly soggy) discoveries are only just beginning. Join Ted on his fully immersive adventure into Roman life, as he flushes himself back to ancient times to find out all he can for his half term project from the Romans themselves!
Join Ted on his fully immersive adventure through time as he flushes himself back to Tudor times to get dance lessons and kingly tips from Henry VIII himself - all in the vague hope of becoming prom king to Chloe (swoon!) Onions' prom queen! A hilarious page turner that encompasses history, adventure, and comedy in equal measure.
I'm not allowed to tell you anything about the third book. If I told you I go back in time and meet Shakespeare then I would get into heaps of trouble and...uh oh.
The first few chapters to whet your appetite (note: Do not eat the book)
The first few chapters of book 2 read by Steven Vinacour in a silly costume
In March 2021 I recorded the first two audio books. As soon as I have a release date I will update my website but they are definitely coming soon!
As soon as I have a link to the audio books I will post it here.
"I like how funny it is and learning that boys used to wear dresses." Oona
Ummm.. excuse me Oona. It was a Toga NOT A DRESS!! Ted
“I loved the book because it was very original - I have never seen a time travelling toilet before in my life! It was a great mix of humour and adventure with fun historical facts too! I found it very funny, interesting and exciting to read. It was funny because it has so many puns and jokes in it. It was written in a very comical way, narrated by Ted, who is a very funny boy. We get to know Ted’s character well and we share all his experiences and what he is thinking and feeling and he has some very funny thoughts and says and does some very funny things, which made me laugh out loud so many times. I felt I was sharing Ted’s journey with him and I could really imagine I was travelling back in time with Ted and sharing his adventure. I am very jealous of Ted as I want a time travelling toilet too! I am really looking forward to the next book and can’t wait to share Ted’s next adventure!” Matthew
Hi Matthew, err.. when you say I’m a very ‘funny’ boy you do mean I’m hilarious and witty and not ‘funny’ as in strange and weird don’t you? I hope so. Ted
“I was learning about the Romans in history at school and I read Ted & His Time Travelling Toilet and I was so inspired I wrote and typed out a project about Rome with all the facts I learned from the book. I even managed to get “Romeo & Pooliet included and I got 3 house points for it.” Tia
Well done Tia on getting 3 house points for your project. Umm I may have made up the bit about Romeo and Pooliet. It’s a good idea though. You should definitely write a play called Romeo and Pooliet for your next project! Ted
“I absolutely loved the book. It was so so funny and I learnt stuff too! I even wrote my own story about a time travelling washing machine after reading about Ted & his time travelling toilet.” Amelie
A time-travelling washing machine is a great idea. Travelling back in time and getting your clothes washed at the same time. What a brilliant idea Amelie! Ted
“An hilarious and exciting book about time travelling for all kids who love a good adventure.” Scarlet
Thank you Scarlet. I love a good adventure, you love a good adventure. We all love a good adventure. So why are you still here reading this? Go on an adventure and then write about it! Go on!! Ted
“I liked it when he went down the toilet and arrived at another place in the past because it was so funny imagining him going down the toilet!” Gabbi
Thanks for getting in touch Gabriella, I must admit when I am being sucked down the toilet I don’t look my best so when you imagine me going down the toilet can you try and imagine me looking really, really cool. Thanks. Ted
“This book is amazing! It’s about this boy called Ted who has a cool time travelling toilet. His adventures are hilarious as he explores Roman life. The book has some fascinating facts, brilliant jokes and a bit of love. I loved the book so much, I even memorised Ted’s full name (you’ll understand soon!)”. Josh
Hi Joshua, I must correct you on one thing. There isn’t a ‘bit’ of love, there is a lot of love, for Chloe the best looking girl in the world. If she reads this and sees that there is only a bit of love she might lose interest in me and that would be a disaster. Glad you liked it (not as much as I like Chloe though) Ted
“My grandparents bought me the book Ted & His Time Travelling Toilet which I was really enjoying reading.
I accidently left the book on my school bus and was very upset but my grandparents surprised me with a replacement copy of the book, which I was so pleased to finish reading. I’m now looking forward to reading the next book as soon as it comes out”. Dillon
Hey Dillion, I could go back in time to the bus you were on and make sure you put the book in your bag but I like to imagine it was found by a huge Hollywood movie producer and she is going to read it and turn me into a movie star. Do you get many Hollywood movie producers traveling on your school bus? Maybe not. Ted
“It’s an amazing book and it was very funny and I really enjoyed it. I found the characters names very funny like Barry Larry Gary Harry and so on...and Chloe Onions. I think there should be another book where either Chloe or Ollie has a time-travelling zip wire. But not the mum because she would be too fat and break it.” Sophia
Hi Sophia. So, firstly my name is not …and so on. I have a lovely name, it’s Terry, Barry, Larry, Jerry, Benny...no wait…Terry Barry, Larry, Billy, Jimmy…no, hang on, that’s not right either. Oh whatever, just call me Ted. Secondly, a time-travelling zip wire is a great idea except my trousers are always too big on me and I can imagine zipping down the wire and my trousers falling down and then everyone will see my pants which today have a picture of a robot on them. I’d rather that didn’t happen thank you very much!! Ted
'I loved it when Ted stood up to a bully who made fun of him for wearing something he was proud to wear, just because it wasn't 'normal'!' Kacey
Hi Kacey, thank you for your support. Who wants to be normal? Not me! My main mode of transport is a toilet and there is nothing normal about that!!!!! Ted
“The book is very funny! I laughed out loud a lot. I didn’t want to put the book down! I’m not sure if it would be sensible to stand in my toilet to see if it’s a time machine!! It doesn’t sound very appealing...I will leave it to Ted! I can’t wait to read his next adventures!” Coby
Coby! DON’T STAND IN YOUR TOILET. You will get wet feet and possibly get stuck and then the fire brigade will have to be called to get you out and they will say “Why are you standing in the toilet?” and you will reply “Because Ted made me do it” and I will get into trouble. Remember the rhyme IF IN DOUBT, STAY OUT (THE TOILET). Ted
“At last, someone with a longer name than me!! He NEEDS to marry Chloe!” Kyia
Thank you Kyia, I do need to marry Chloe and then I will travel back in time to the wedding day over and over again and keep marrying her. Although, this might not make for a great book and by chapter three you might get a bit bored. I won’t but you might. BTW, your name is only 4 letters and mine is 65 so yes, you are correct, my name is longer than yours. Ted
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Although the really good pictures above (NOT THE ONES OF YOU), the cover of the books and lots of other great things are drawn by the really super talented James Cottell
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